Happy Anniversary?
Should we mark let alone celebrate a negative anniversary?
If so how?
It is a matter of personal choice how a person should remember an anniversary. It can be a celebration of thankfulness of survival. It can be a time to take stock and allow yourself to be reconciled with what you may have lost but also to be greatful for what you have the increased significance it has for you.
And this is how I got my life back after Cancer?
Three months post-discharge from hospital. My cancer story seemed to come to an end. I was discharged from the day hospital. I had the internal tube removed that gave me chemotherapy during those 5 months as an inpatient.
While the significance of this was real, I truly was passed my direct cancer treatment. The cancer was gone, but my life was forever changed. I looked back, I tried to look forward, but in truth, I was still in shock.
Who's in charge of you, You?
My third cancer blog and the last one I wrote while still an inpatient. I may have had two cycles of chemo left.
By this stage, I was drained of anger. I still had my days, but it was getting me nowhere. I was pushing myself to choose to accept the situation, but to keep the hope alive of future reunions and restarts.
This blog focused on the effect of the loss of personal autonomy and knowing I was not in control. I questioned are we ever really in control of our lives?
Small Picture Big Picture
About halfway through my chemotherapy, which I was on for 5 months in total, I was really struggling with accepting what was happening.
I accepted that my survival prospects were good, but I was angry with the life I was losing. Simply put, I just felt it was unfair. Additionally, I had lost my spacious, bright room, which had an access space before entering, making it very private. I was now in a dark, poky room which looked straight onto the main corridor.
I had a long way to go, and things seemed to be getting worse.
I took solace that the moment I was caught in was just that. A day would come when I would re-enter the fullness of life, I believed. I wanted to see the big picture.
On being Diagnosed with Cancer
This blog was written when I was in the early stages of being in hospital, being treated for cancer, the 2nd half of 2020..
In many ways, this reads as a diary entry where I outline the events of my illness, starting with pre-diagnosis and ending somewhere after my first of six rounds of chemotherapy.
I delve into the emotional and physical trauma of that time. What gave me strength and what made me weak. Relational and spiritual issues are highlighted.
This is all in the context of the initial 2020 lockdown, which meant I had to experience this painful medical world alone.