Dying to survive: Facts about suicide in Ireland
The reality of suicide has touched all of us in some way.
The statistics of suicide are bleak.
Whether it is younger or older people, male or female, the reasons for suicide are individual to each person’s story.
Common to most stories are the realities of isolation and hopelessness.
Perhaps this is because by the time a person comes to the point of suicide, they have stopped properly engaging with people and have lost hope that there is any solution apart from death.
Thankfully, there are numerous emergency services available via the phone to meet these people in their time and place of need.
Failure - The fear around every corner
The fear of failure is one of the greatest draws holding a man back in life. The fear of failing at risky things like a new job or at passing exams, etc., is perfectly normal.
The problem is when you begin to identify yourself as a failure at life just because you have had failures in your life.
This self-identifying yourself as a failure is devastating. It destroys your confidence in social situations, professionally, and in your role in your family. Simply put, you don’t want others to know about your failures,s and you hide.
The way to shake off the failure mantra is to teach yourself, first and foremost, that failing is normal. Everyone fails.
Repeat to yourself “I am not afailure, just because somethings in my life failed”.
Eventually, you will then be able to develop ways to manage failure as it happens and to learn from it so as to decrease its risk of recurrence.
And this is how I got my life back after Cancer?
Three months post-discharge from hospital. My cancer story seemed to come to an end. I was discharged from the day hospital.
I had the internal tube removed that gave me chemotherapy during those 5 months as an inpatient.
While the significance of this was real, I truly had passed my direct cancer treatment. The cancer was gone, but my life was forever changed.
I looked back, I tried to look forward, but in truth, I was still in shock.
Who's in charge of you, You?
My third cancer blog and the last one I wrote while still an inpatient. I may have had two cycles of chemo left.
By this stage, I was drained of anger. I still had my days, but it was getting me nowhere. I was pushing myself to choose to accept the situation, but to keep the hope alive of future reunions and restarts.
This blog focused on the effect of the loss of personal autonomy and knowing I was not in control.
I questioned whether we are ever really in control of our lives.
Small Picture Big Picture
About halfway through my chemotherapy, which I was on for 5 months in total, I was really struggling with accepting what was happening.
I accepted that my survival prospects were good, but I was angry with the life I was losing. Simply put, I just felt it was unfair. Additionally, I had lost my spacious, bright room, which had an access space before entering, making it very private.
I was now in a dark, poky room which looked straight onto the main corridor.
I had a long way to go, and things seemed to be getting worse.
I took solace that the moment I was caught in was just that. A day would come when I would re-enter the fullness of life, I believed. I wanted to see the big picture.
On being Diagnosed with Cancer
This blog was written when I was in the early stages of being in hospital, being treated for cancer, the 2nd half of 2020.
In many ways, this reads as a diary entry where I outline the events of my illness, starting with pre-diagnosis and ending somewhere after my first of six rounds of chemotherapy.
I delve into the emotional and physical trauma of that time. What gave me strength and what made me weak. Relational and spiritual issues are highlighted.
This is all in the context of the initial 2020 lockdown, which meant I had to experience this painful medical world alone.
Anxiety; Where fear takes over
Anxiety is one of the most common topics raised in therapy. It is a debilitating condition that prevents a person from engaging with life.
It is closely associated with depression and often co-exists.
There is a strong medical connection with anxiety; medication is often the first stage of treatment.
Medication, however, can become a near-permanent part of persons ’s life. Many people do not want this and will prefer to resolve their anxiety through psychological work.
Such work identifies the triggers and helps to develop coping mechanisms to lessen their impact.
What Gets You Up in the Mornings?
What is the daily routine of life for?
Is it to make a success of ourselves professionally, to make an impact on the world?
Is the success of our life to be detemined materialisticly?
Or do we get out of our beds every morning to somehow improve the lives of those around us?
Is our value what others hold of us or what we hold of ourselves?
Hope
Hope is perceived as being essential but also as elusive. The hope for a better future plays a large part in motivating us to work through difficult situations.
Some may also say that being driven to achieve by a hope unfounded in reality can result in a destructive end.
Whatever your views on the helpfulness of hope, we all strive to have hope.
Self-discovery in a hiding tree
A tree near me reveals its secret every winter. The secret being that, despite being on a small roundabout in a busy road, it is the home of several nests.
My perception of this being odd indicates that I have a limited mindset of what is appropriate or expected behaviour. Surely the birds would use the hundreds of trees in the park on the other side of the road.
If I limit the behaviour of birds in this way, how do I limit my own?