Small Picture Big Picture

Small Picture Big Picture

One thing being a cancer patient has taught me is just how small a picture we have in understanding the experiences of our life. To be able to understand our current stressful snapshot of life it is helpful to step out of the moment and see the big moving picture of life.

Life is more than our current moment

If I have pain, that pain is all I can think about. If I have been denied discharge I feel angry and frustrated, that my right to family hugs, to feel a cool breeze on my face has been stolen from me.
While it is mostly negatives that preoccupy me there are occasional positives like not needing any I.V.s for the day or even hours out at home.

Yes it is right to be grounded in where we are at any given time. To be self aware means to be aware of the where, what, why etc of your present moment. If we are not grounded in the here and now we have nothing to build upon for knowing the greater picture of our lives.

But self awareness has a context. Our present moment is not the full picture. All that is happening to me now is in the context of having cancer and its treatment.
In the moment I forget that.

Denial: Loosing sight of the big picture

I forget that all the moments I am currently experiencing are part of having cancer and the treatment of chemotherapy. So when I struggle with the why questions it is because I have lost sight of the bigger picture.
That bigger picture for now, always comes back to me having cancer. If I really thought it through I would see how my cancer is itself part of a bigger landscape of my life

Part of the reason for losing sight of that big picture is because to a degree it was never accepted by me in the first place.
I am blessed to know that my cancer is very treatable and curable. As a result I never felt obliged to be overwhelmed by the diagnosis itself.
Still there is a thin line between denial and believing my life is all about my cancer.

As a symbol of how I need to be bigger picture focused I am attaching a picture taken by my younger son. It is of a fuchsia flower in our back garden.
When I am half way through 4 long days of chemotherapy there is still a fuchsia flowering in the back garden and my son practicing his photography.

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